Currently Loving God with All Your Mind By Elizabeth George see related

How I've come to realize that God is not a genie...

I have so much to blog about but I want this to be my first post and I'll tell you guys how my past 2 months were in the following days.

But since God has a very peculiar way of revealing a part of who He really is, it didn't really stop there. After all that I-didn't-get-into-the-cour se-I-wanted drama, more surprises (and not fun ones) headed our way.

One day, Danah and I started listing down possible venues for our debut. We planned for the whole thing-- how the place would look like, what we'd wear, and how it'd turn out. Again, it was planned already. When my mom came home from work, we were so excited to tell her about our party plans. But as soon as we finished, she suggested for an intimate party with just our closest friends and relatives. Then she explained why. She told us that we'd have to cut off on expenses that were not really necessary. And then she told us that we'd have to move back to our ancestral home in San Juan this summer to be able to save money for our own place (since we're currently renting our condo unit). I understood what she was going through because my mom is a single mother. She's providing for two college students-- tuition fees, allowance, and ka-ekekan fees. In addition to that, we also have a driver and a maid. Yes, I really understood why we had to lessen our expenses. But then again, I already had everything planned, and hearing the unexpected news of my mom made me feel worse.

Since then, I was really starting to get annoyed at my circumstance. I'm only human. Though I wanted to obey God, I can't help but ask why this was happening. I just couldn't interpret what He was telling me through my situation. And with that I felt neglected. I felt as if God wasn't listening to me all those times I prayed to Him. So, I lessened the time I spent with God.

After a couple of days, I finally accepted what was happening and I didn't really let it affect me. I was back to being okay, just neutral. Not sad, not happy either. But then, God really proved to me how DIFFERENT His ways are from mine. Throughout the next whole week, school started to become a torture for me. I felt so invisible. Yeah I had some people I hung out with, but I never felt like they were my friends. I felt like they were so exclusive and often I felt left out. During some classes I would just stare off into space and blank out. I didn't want to interact with people. As soon as I stepped inside the school, I just couldn't wait for the day to end so I could immediately head home.

I kept everything to myself until one night, I had an anxiety attack. I was crying so hard and I just didn't know how to deal with what was going on anymore. I told my mom and my sister about it, and they consoled me and prayed for me.

With everything that was happening, I couldn't help but focus on all the negative side of things. Everyday I found a reason to complain. I didn't have a course yet, I felt like I didn't have real friends, and I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday. I didn't talk much and I would cry silently in my room. From then on I really found no reason to read my bible and talk to God. I just felt numb. Every time the Holy Spirit would remind me to go and have a date with God, I ignored it. I was so hard headed, which made me fall into other sins. Though in my heart I missed God so much, I decided to "rebel" in a way because I didn't get what I asked for. Yes, I was being a brat.

Rebelling towards God didn't really make things better. In fact, it made things worse. But I did anyway because I felt like my plans weren't being acknowledged by God. I got so pissed that I started doing things my own way. But after a couple of days, I finally gave up. I knew that God was already rooted in my heart, and I knew that even though I cannot understand His ways, I must persevere and remain obedient because He is faithful in keeping His promises.

Now, looking back the past month, I've realized that everything that happened are TRULY what's BEST for me. See, God never left me despite my actions towards Him. And now I have come to realize why those things happened.

God didn't allow me to get into Marketing because He wanted me to finish all my CAS back subjects (aka general subjects) first, and He gave me more time to do it. So next school year, I will definitely work my butt off to get a higher GWA and to have a greater chance of getting in the course. :)

As for the friends that I've been longing for... Well, God didn't give me NEW ONES so that I could appreciate the people who are around me now. It made me realize that they're my true friends after all because they're the ones who have the same maturity level as mine and we also all have a lot in common. :) God made me keep something worth so much that I've been brushing aside for quite some time already. He gave me friends who can make me grow closer to Him and who can support my good decisions and at same time, capable to tell me if I'm making bad ones. :)

Last but not least, having an INTIMATE birthday party instead of a grand one made me realize that what's most important is being with the people that I love the most. There's nothing better than being in the company of people that matter in my life. It's not about the number of guests, how big the venue is, or even how grand the party is. Our celebration would be different this time, because it's with the people that I consider my family. :)

Jeremiah 29:11

I think we all have the tendency to rebel when things don't go our way but that is if we only see God as someone who can grant our prayers. We often box God as a genie or like Santa Claus. But we should keep in mind that God is more than that. He knows what He is doing and He has plans for us. Whenever we have problems, all we have to do is continue OBEYING Him and remain in FAITH. We should remember to BE STILL, because GOD IS IN CONTROL ALL THE TIME. :) Let us not underestimate His capabilities. He is GOD after all. ;)

 
 

Currently Mr. A-Z By Jason Mraz see related

EXHAUSTING BUT ALL WORTH IT

this week was super tiring. i really focused on my diet-- the balancing days diet. it's a four-day diet every week wherein the first two days, all i'm allowed to eat are protein-rich foods and it is really strictly just protein. then the next two days, all i can eat are fruits and veggies. no rice, no sweets, no sugar.

the first two days were torture for me because i really didn't intake any food that contained sugar in it. and you know what happens when you stop feeding a woman sugar-- THEY BECOME A MONSTER OF PURE BITCHINESS. i am not kidding. i swear, i had really terrible mood swings. i snapped at my sister all the time (sorry denuh ) for the most shallow reasons ever. one time, she was just talking and i told her she was annoyingly noisy, and she said "of course, i'm talking, duh." and i just burst and yelled at her to shut up. being my sister, of course she didn't stop talking and she just exasperated me even more. so i screamed at her like some pregnant woman, and when she left i cried so hard! :)) it's funny really, how stupid our fights are. :))

anyway, i am so happy to tell the world that my hard work on losing weight is paying off! I LOST 5 POUNDS! :) and to think i just started dieting and running this tuesday and it's only saturday! i lost that much weight in 5 days! i am so excited! i am so happy.

what i am also so ecstatic about is my walk with God. i can really see how He is working in my life right now. earlier this week i was so low, i was so impatient for the things i was praying for. i was asking God, where is the money i've been praying for (to spend on my laptop, because someone-- i don't know who-- broke its LCD)? where are my friends? when will i be able to open up a savings account (just recently i closed my account due to insufficient funds)? where are all the things i was asking for? so i went to my mom and told her all these worries i was having and she told me that God is doing something behind these vexes. she told me not to worry about all my money problems because God is planning something great for me. then she told me that my tita was actually planning to give me cold cash as a Christmas present so that i'll be able to open a new bank account!  and in addition to that, my mom also told me that she was going to give me a sun cellular post-paid line with a new phone! i was so shocked! if only i waited a little longer, then i wouldn't even have had to worry about these petty things. after our talk, my mom and i prayed together and i asked for forgiveness from God for being too impatient. i felt so relieved and thankful and i just realized that i do not ever have to worry because GOD WILL PROVIDE.

WORRY DOES NOT EMPTY

TOMORROW OF ITS

PROBLEMS... IT ROBS

TODAY OF ITS STRENGTH.

this week is amazing! i am so grateful that God is strengthening me and changing my heart. i can say that i am really walking with Him right now and He is faithful to me. :) I LOVE YOU LORD!

and right now i'm listening to jason mraz's the remedy. :) iiiiiiiiiiii, i won't worry my life away... yeeeeaaaah, oooooh.

♥

SO FRIKKIN' WHAAAAAAAAT?!

the people i trusted the most and considered my friends ruined my trust and then left me. SO WHAT?

i haven't been going on dates and my love life is non-existent. SO WHAT?

people in school talk about me saying i'm a junkie, an addict. SO WHAT?

i walk around the halls of my school alone. SO WHAT?

some people judge me and choose to believe that i am still the same girl that i used to be. SO WHAT?

what matters most is MY GOD and MY RELATIONSHIP with Him.

So...

SO WHAT?